No Blueprint(Post-Hardcore/Emo)

I put my past behind me, a childhood long gone Shadow of doubts hovering, but never backing down The mistakes of mom and my deadbeast stepdads Vowing to break the cycle but the damage was done How foolish I was to think, to hope, that I’d be a good parent Through all my trauma, I’ve never wanted my kids to be in pain I only wanted to help them grow into their own happy lives I just willed myself through all my pain, but I didn’t have the blueprint No Blueprint No Blueprint When you get fucked up as a child The most fucked up shit that sends you on a spiral for a lifetime Trying to find some way to get it in gear The most fucked up thing is that I keep fucking up too The assholes mom spent my childhood with broke me pretty good Mom did her part with that,though she did the best she could Full of her own pain and damage, I don’t know how she managed It wasn’t right, but I understand and I was able to forgive her Now with my kids, my futile hopes and purpose are deferred I put my past behind me, a childhood long gone Shadow of doubts hovering, but never backing down The mistakes of mom and my deadbeast stepdads Vowing to break the cycle but the damage was done How foolish I was to think, to hope, that I’d be a good parent Through all my trauma, I’ve never wanted my kids to be in pain I only wanted to help them grow into their own happy lives I just willed myself through all my pain, but I didn’t have the blueprint No Blueprint No Blueprint I’m still fucked up as an adult No amount of living can ever put those pieces back together Trying to be everything I was never shown The fucked up thing is knowing I’ll never be enough But still knowing I can’t stop trying No Blueprint No Blueprint My assembly line was busted right from the start All the pieces didn’t fit right and I was always lost The pain of all the shit that was done to me My programming was screwed up in the beginning And it will still be fucked up when I reach my end I will never be what I wanted to be for my kids When they are out on their own I don’t see it Every year, no happy Thanksgiving and Christmas I didn’t get the blueprint, I didn’t get the blueprint Nothing to do but make my own chicken scratch But it just didn't cut it and there is no second Chance No blueprint No blueprint